The Need To Belong

Hello Readers,

As the song goes, by The Beatles,

‘All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?’

There is a fundamental human need to form and maintain a minimum amount of lasting relationships whether they be with a life partner, friends or family.  Satisfying this need requires frequent, positive interactions with the same individuals.  Why do you think so many people join dating sites, friendship groups, Facebook etc.,?  It’s because they want to communicate with someone whom they see as a ‘friend’, who they can unburden themselves to, laugh or cry with.  None of us are islands.  We all need to care for others and for others to care for us.  Even people who don’t like people much, surround themselves with animals as friends.  Despite the lure and excitement of romantic affairs, changing partners, eventually, the need for a stable, long term, lasting relationship always wins.  This is another reason why so many people are ‘people pleasers’ and so accommodating because they are as reluctant to quickly break social bonds as they are in making them.  Some people even refuse to break destructive relationships because their excuse is that they don’t like upsetting people, whereas, nearer the truth, they don’t want to find themselves alone.  The fear of losing something in a sense that belongs to you is as important and significant as gaining some kind of meaningful togetherness.  By building relations we create a source of love and personal pride and a feeling of belonging that makes life easier in a mad, chaotic world.

A sense of belongingness is crucial to our wellbeing.  The lack of belongingness often leads to higher levels of mental and physical illness and are prone to a broad range of behavioural problems.  No one wants to feel rejected or isolated.  It’s just not a good feeling, yet so many people out there live their lives so very alone perhaps through shyness, disability, illness or a whole range of other reasons.  How many of you don’t even know your neighbours, or the people around you don’t speak or say hello?  It’s a very common problem, yet it doesn’t take much to be civil and kind to acknowledge the person standing next to you.

Belonging starts with self-acceptance.  Your level of belonging can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you are enough gives you the courage to be individual and to always just be yourself.  It doesn’t matter whom you love or where you move from and to, you always take yourself with you.  If you don’t know who you are  then you will always feel as though you don’t belong.

What is the opposite of loneliness?  Its belonging.  Remember, a friend in need is a friend indeed and friends are only strangers we have not yet met.

We all long for something and we all want to belong.

Until Next Week,

Love and Light,

Linda and The Lulas xxx